Twitter Guide

Well wot can me say? Twitta! Yoo eiva luffs it or loaves it.

I luffs it. I made so many fwends on Twitta & dear fwends too. Plus if it woznt fur Twitta I wud be OTRB a long time ago cuz me Twitta fwends saved me life and still savin me life by helpin me muvva wif da vet bills wot she can't afford.

So seeing as Twitta helped me so much, I fort I'd rite a bit about how to use it for all me fwends dat dunt know half of wot yoo can do wif Twitta, and how to make dere Twitta accounts more secure an all dat stuff.

It not techy so dunt go runnin off wif yoo tail between yoo legs. *rolls eyes* I dunt do techy cuz me can't get me head round all dat jargon and big wurds. I fink peepul use dem juz to make out dey cleverer dan dey iz. *nods* I haz put links to all da Twitta pages dat tells yoo how to use Twitta propply an safely.

Yoo may wonder why me dun dis page, cuz all dis info iz on Twitta, but it's not easy to find an speshully if yoo using a smartphone cuz da screen so small to see da links propply, so me fort I wud rite dis page to help pals out.
First off da basics ov how to use Twitta


If someone on Twitta iz a bully or upsets yoo you got 2 options. Yoo can block dem or mute dem. Nasty peeps need reportin so block and report to Twitta den dey can't see yoor tweets an yoo cant see dere's and Twitta looks at dere account and if it rilly nasty dey get dere account deleted.

Here's how to block someone & report dem

If you wud rather mute dem, here's a help page telling yoo how to mute dem, what happens afta yoo muted dem and ovver stuff.


Next me gonna advise yoo how to do yoo settings in yoo Twitta account to try and make it secure as possible cuz dere lottsa nutters out dere wot hack yoor account if dey can, dey hack yoor account for all sorts of reasons, an so we needs to stop dem.


In short, wot me duz is make sure me neva gives me location cuz if dey wanna know ware me iz dey can see it on me profile, but I only puts general location not pin point me house or nuffin. I always use a secure passwerd, an I rites it down an keeps it someware safe, I know dey say neva rite yoo passwerd down but wif so many passwerds how's a dog supposed to rememba? *rolls eyes* Use big an little letters and a few numbers frown in if yoo can. No passwerd totally secure but fings like auntfanny1922 is pretty easy for someone to hack or a favwite place or name like Clacton1987. Cos dey juz daft fings an easy to guess.

Talkin bout notificayshons here's da Twitta page wot tells yoo all about da diffrunt ones.


Dere's loadsa help available on Twitta how to use it an protect yooself, but it not easy to find, here's da page for yoor personal fings yoo might want to change.

Manage Your Profile

Dere's lottsa fings yoo can set like who can send yoo dm's, what Twitta can send yoo an email for like if someone favrites one of yoor tweets or menchons yoo in a tweet, or even favrites one ov yoor tweets. I ushually turn all dem off for a start. I got enuff trubble tryin to see notificayshons ware sumones replied to me tweets. I fink dats da only reel one yoo need worry bout so yoo dunt miss a message from a pal. An even den, tiz easy to miss one.

Now if yoo got a group of fwends on Twitta yoo can send dem all da same DM yoo juzt add dere names to DM and rite yer message and send it. Dey all get copy and dey all see who in da group. Yoo can call da group anyfin yoo want.

Here's how to do dat

Single DMs

Group DMs

So dat juz about covers DMs an stuff.

Now me gonna bark a bit about hashtags. Yoo know dem werds wif # infront of dem. Dey is markers iz all. So if yoo talkin bout sumfin to several pals say frintstance yoo iz sendin open tweet message to a pal who's poorly an dey got a paw circle so all dere pals can see messages dat evfurryone sent to poorly pal, yoo'd put #pawcircle4Bonnie or #pawcircleforBonnie den if peepul put #pawcircle4Bonnie or da ovver varyashon in da search box, a page comes up wif all messages usin dat hashtag an yoo can read all da tweets to dat person or about woteva da hashtag is about. It vewy useful fing. Speshully if yoo doin a flight wif da Aviators or if yoo on a Zombie Squad mission, cus yoo can follow da conversation.

An if yoo lukin for sumfin on Twitta yoo can put a hashtag in da search to try an find it like #bacon and den evfurryfing to do wif bacon comes up. #bacon duz cuz me juz tried it bahahahaha

Dis bit now iz on about how to set up Twitta on diffrunt devices, dats wot hoomans call dere compootas, iPaws, Smartphones and Tablets. Dey do luffs gadgets dunt dey? *rolls eyes*

Setting Up

An last but not leest da page for trubble shooting wots up wif yoor account

Trouble Shooting

If yoo wants to tweet Twitta support yoo juz address da tweet to @Support an as if by magik dey see it an reply. I always putz da hashtag #support in as well juz incase dey haffin coffee brake an miss me tweet.

Got a cupple a tips too for yoo.

If yoo want to send a tweet out an it only addressed to one pal but yoo wants every fur to see it, juz put a full stop at beginnin of da tweet like dis

.@FredtheTerrier Haf yoo seen news tday Fred

Ded simple innit? Dey say same fing werks if yoo puts da pals name in middle of yoor tweet like dis:

Afternoon all I'm going to the park today @FredtheTerrier and might see some Zombies

But I dunt do dat cuz it don't look rite to me an me tweets dunt make sense.

An finally *sighs* it vewy easy to miss a tweet from a pal, dere's farsends of tweets evfurry day. On yoor time line yoo probbly got tweets from pals and dey all on Twitta at diffrunt times cuz dey all ova da werld, an yoo'll haff re-tweets by yoor pals, plus adverts from diffrunt places, and so if sumone send yoo a tweet an yoo miss it, its not surprisin.

Now if yoo send a tweet to da same organisation or club, and yoo duz it regly, iz always best to use da hashtag fing. Say frintance yoo send a tweet to Zombie Squad HQ but yoo didnt get a reply, dey probbly get loadsa tweets evfurry day cus Zombie Squad very impawtunt organisayshon. So to make sure dey see's da tweet use da hashtag fing as well as dere Twitta address. Like dis:

@ZombieSquadHQ I haz been patrolling fur zombies all day #zombiesquad

An if yoo want all yer pals in Zombie Squad to see it juz put da full stop at da front like dis:

.@ZombieSquadHQ I haz been patrolling fur zombies all day #zombiesquad

Dat way dere's less chance dat whoeva yoo send it to dey not gonna miss it. An anyone in Zombie Squad will see it and probbly retweet it. Bit like frowin a cream pie aimed at zombiesquadhq target but efurryone gets a bit.

So dats about all me can fink ov for now, but if yoo got any probs wif twitta dunt forget da @Support iz dere address an keep sending it if yoo dont get a reply within a few hours. Yoo can juz copy and paste yoor original tweet to dem and send it as new tweet.

ooh me juz remembered, I wud always recommend yoo haz 2 Twitta accounts. One for everyday and one for emerguncy like if Twitta goes wonky and locks yoor account, dis happened to me several times in da past an it so annoyin. If yoo got 2 accounts yoo can tweet on da second one wots happened.

Twitta do lock accounts down sumtimes, I fink its more likely due to a software problum but sumtimes its one of dere boffins (I use da term very loosely cos we all called dem by dere proper names loads ov times, *wispurs* like >>> idiots <<<). So if yoo locked out ov yoo main account yoo still got da 'Jail Account' yoo can use. Tweet yoor pals to tell dem wot happened and get dem to tweet @Support as well. Da more yoo in dere face tellin dem dey locked yoor account da faster dey unlock it. Dey got dis spam software fing wot cleans out spam accounts now and agen, and sumtimes dey sweep up genuine accounts along wif da spam ones. Dis happened to me two or free times before now. So I tweet @Support an tell dem and all me pals do too so dey get fed up wif seeing tweets about me account getting blocked and unblock it. Anovver fing wot annoys me iz wen yoo get da message dat yoo over yoor daily quota of tweets so yoo can't use yoor Twitta account cuz its suspended by Twitta idio... peepul. Dis is mainly total rubbish, it only peepul like celebrities dat wud use up all dere quota.
Here's da offishul figures:


Twitter says you can only send out 1,000 tweets per day. That includes retweets. Plus, Twitter breaks this daily limit down into semi-hourly intervals, so that accounts cannot post more than a certain number of times per hour or so.

Twitter also has a limit on the number of direct messages you can send per day, set at 250.

So while 1,000 is the technical limit, you shouldn’t – ever – come anywhere close to it in a regular tweeting day. There is no right number of tweets per day for everyone, but 1,000 would be generally agreed upon by most social media managers as far too many.


This is so dere server dunt get overloaded wif too many tweets an goes wonky and collapses. Yea I know it dus dat anyway but yoo gotta humor dem.

If dat duz happen yoo lose all yer followers too so haf to start all ova agen to get dem back. It SO annoyin.

Well dis concloodes me Twitta Guide.

If yoo got any probs just message me on dis page or Twitta and me will try and help out. Bit like da blind leadin da blind cuz me no expurt, but two heads iz better dan one so dey say.

Hope dis haz helped anyway pal.

Gonna lie down in a dark room now wif a wet flannel on me head.

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