Monday, 24 August 2015

No barkin??? Yoo cannot be seeryuss

Hello my fwends.

Muvva's upset us. Dis is mega. Dis cud change our lives. I iz rabid wif angur. Well maybe not rabid or angry but me little bit upset.

As yoo know me is blind, no big deal, me got used to it and lives wif it. So cuz me carnt see I hear better dan me furbro's. Fact: I can hear a dog barkin over ovver side of town. *nods*

Yea ok I lives in a small town but I woz buildin up me story. Pfffft

Anyways, I barks a lot is anovver way ov puttin it cos me can hear fings sighted dogs carnt, and definittly hear more dan me muvva. So it gets on her nerves. *rolls eyes*

Mojo on da ovver hand dunt bark at stuff like dat, he lets me do it all, but he duz bark wen he wants to go out, wen he's been out, wen he wants something, and most ov all wen he just wants attenshon.

Gizmo me adopted furbro is a yapper. But he do bark at postie and he dunt like people much so barks at dem wen dey get too close.

So you'll neva guess wot me muvva's gone and dun. Go on guess, bet yoo carnt. Guess den go on..... nope yoo can't guess can yoo.

Well me gonna tell yoo cus I knows yoo carn't bear da suspense.

She's only gone an ordered 3 anti-bark collars for us.


I neva fort I'd see da day, metaforickly speekin.

Dey not dem nasty electric shock ones, cuz dey iz cruel, but dey vibrate wen we barks and makes a noise only dogs can hear. Me dreddin it pals.

She red up about all da differunt types bfore orderin, and dere woz some dat squirt lemon stuff over yoo, but she fort dat wudn't werk cuz we wud ignore dat and keep barkin, wich we wud *sniggers*.

So she's gone for deez ere vibraytin ones. Cuz dey recommended by da vet evduntly. Well me gone off da vet I can tell yoo. Pfffft

Dey will be here Wednesday she's told us. We won't be waring dem all da time, juz most ov da time. *sighs*

I will let yoo know how we gets on.

She... (muvva) sez dat we get on her nerves wen we all barks as it deafnin an we dunt take any notice ov her wen she tells us to stop an she's tried evfurryfing else and nuffin werks. Well course it dunt werk, we iz dogs. Barkin is wot we duz.

Honestly I give up sumtimes wif deez hoomans. Dey not as brite as dey fink dey iz. *glances at muvva who is totally oblivious*

I mean, look at her now, oh sowwy yoo carnt see her bahahahaha Well take my werd for it. She sat dere on da sofa, in her own little wurld, dunno wot she finkin about, nuffin probbly by da glazed look on her eyes, totally oblivious to wot she gonna inflict on us dis week.

She not got a clue how we gonna feel wen we barks wif dem collars on and feels dem wobbling about on our froats and make a noise in our earholes.

I fink we gonna haf to make a plan, so we all bark togevva den all vibrate in unison infront ov her, bit like clockwerk soldjers. Haf to practiss dis. Come on furbro's Mojo on me rite, Gizmo on me left. *pulls Mojo closer and pushes Gizmo to the front more* Dats it we all lined up perfick.

Stand in a line sholda to sholda, wiska to wiska, tail to tail and on my mark .... reddy boyz? .... get set .... and

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz to da left and stop. Take a breff.

Get reddy ... get set... and....

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz to da rite and stop. Take anuvva breff.

All glance up at muvva. SHE'S NOT LUKIN. Pffft

Ok concentrayte. Lets get her attenshon, Mojo roll on yer back and show yer bits, Gizmo start yapping, I'll just sit infront ov her and whine a bit.

Ok she lukin, she lukin, take yer posishons..... We gotta be qwick... reddy? Get set and go for it......

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz to da left and stop. Take a qwick breff before she looks away, and get reddy and .....

Bzzzzzzzzzzz to da rite and stop. Take a breff and give muvva da eyes.

She's not impressed. She's got a funny smile on her face. Bit confused lookin I fink. Shall we do it agen or wait til da collars iz here?

Ok we wait. *Gizmo wanders off back to his bed and Mojo rolls over and shows his bits*

Well pals, if yoo can stand da suspenshon, I will tell yoo how it goes.

Me and furbro's just off out of muvva's sight to practiss our synchronised vibrayting.

Bark latur pals,

I loves yoo!