Wednesday, 11 March 2015


I juz heard dat a kind hearted person has had a star named after our pal Bulley Bufton who went over da bridge recently. And I got to finkin wot a wonderful idea and how super to haf a star named after a loved one either livin or passed.

So den I got to finkin how it werks, and if when my time comes, muvva wud name a star after me, so I did some Googlin and investigaytin.

Now dont go rushin off to da star namin websites before yoo've read all dis article me ritin cuz although it a luffley fing to name a star after sumone yoo love and probbly grievin for, da star namin fing is a scam run by companies dat only want to get rich on taking peepuls money and makin money from dere grief. Unless ov course dey named a star for someone juz born, even den it a scam so pleeze read all wot me ritin yoo today.

If yoo Google 'Name a Star' yoo'll see dozens and dozens of companies offerin to name a star for yoo. Prices vary from about £15 to £50 and sumtimes even more.

So what duz yoo get for yoor money? In a nutshell - NUFFIN.

Yoo see all da stars in da universe are listed (or most of dem) by da profeshonal astronomers, and dey are listed on offishal registurs only by dere number and exact position in da universe, and wot galaxy dey be in.

So aunty Flo pops her clogs and you fink 'I loved me aunty Flo, me gonna name a star after her so she be immortalised foreva and eva.' Yoo choose wich star naming company yoo gonna give yoor hard earned money to and in a few days receive a star chart showing yoor star and some other rubbish, dependin on wot website yoo used. Now yoor star named after yoor aunty Flo won't be anyware else on any offishal register, it will only be on dat particular company's database, cos no profeshonal astronomer or profeshonal register names stars. So in reality, dere is NO star named after your aunty Flo. All da stars on all da offishal registers of da universe are still and always will be identified by a number, and dere posishon in da universe, NOT by a name. Comets are given names but dey not offishally stars, and dere's not enuff comets flyin around for deez companies to make enuff money out ov dem. And most of deez companies haf no rite to name stars anyways.

A lot of deez companies openly admit dat dey dunt haf any legal rite to name stars, and dat dere 'named stars' will never ever be known offishally as da name yoo pick and will remain known by the offishal number and position in da universe same as dey always bin. So dey iz upfront tellin yoo dey just conning yoo out of money, but makin it sound ok to do it. Clever huh?

So all yoo be doin if yoo name a star after a loved one is give more money to a star namin company so the CEO lives da life of Riley wif expensive cars and a couple of soopa homes someware glamuruss.

It's like if yoo saw a website offerin to sell you a brick from da Great Wall of China, or a bolt from Tower Bridge, London, or a bit of da Statue ov Liberty. Yoo would tell dem to get lost cuz yoo'd know dey couldn't sell yoo any of dem fings. But wif stars it a bit diffrunt. Yoo don't know how naming stars werk, or ware da offishul registers of da galaxies an stars in da universe is kept, so deez companies haf been able to set up and offer dis 'service' to yoo coz dey know yoo probbly dunt realise wot dey offering iz somefing dey can't offer yoo if yoo get my drift.

Dey not doin nuffin illegal cuz dere's nuffin against namin anyfing after anyfing else. But wot dey iz doin is makin money from people's grief and kind heartedness. And I fink dats rong!

When yoo looks at a few of deez star naming sites yoo see names of celebrities dat haf paid to haf a star named after dem, immortalising demselves or so dey fink. Dey just as daft as the rest of us if dey fink dats gonna happen. And it just goes to show dat anyone can be taken in by dis scam.

So my fwends if yoo fink it a wonderful idea to name a star after a loved one, fink agen.

My fwends don't be scammed, if yoo want to do sumfin honurable to rememba a loved one, den give da money to an animal charity or shelter or anovver kind ov charity insted. Cuz dat way yoo know ware yoor money is goin and wot it bein spent on.

Sowwy to shatter an illushon and a lovely idea but dere is peepul out dere reddy to take it our money off us and take advantage ov us wen we at our most vunurable.

I fink it's rong, and I wants to help yoo not get scammed my fwends. I hopez me not upset anyone wot may haf alreddy named a star after a loved one, It wozn't my intenshon to do so, I juz tryin to look out for my besties and make sure no-one taks advantage of dem.

Wile I iz on me soap box barkin about star namin, I fink it's a grate idea to haf a tree planted in memory of sumone, dere is tree plantin schemes in most countries, I know dey iz in UK and US so must happen sumware else. Now dis isn't a scam, and it doin da planit good cuz trees iz good fings and livin fings and we all needs dem, espeshully yoo boy dogs! Dey is handy for cockin yoo legs up to pee Bahahahaha. But yoo can't cock yer leg up a star can yoo? Juz cock it up at da companies wot after yoor money!