She haz ritten down how it was at da end an I fort I wud put it in me blog so yoo all know how it went, and how peaceful an lovin it was. I knows a lots ov hooomums and hoodads is scared of bein wif someone wen dey iz dyin, same as wen we haz to go over da bridge, but itz da most impawtunt time ov someone's life, mainly da person or anipal dat is makin da journey and its da very last fing yoo can do for dem and it a very speshul time dat yoo will neva get agen.
So here is muvva to tell yoo all how it went, and I hope yoo can see how speshul time it iz and help yoo to share dat time wif yoor loved ones wen da time comes. An lets face it pals, we neva know wen our time is coming, we not got a say in how long we gonna be around, but all we can do is show each other as much love as we can an be as kind to each other as possible. Cuz after all, like da Beatles used to sing, All You Need Is Love. Material fings not matter, itz how we treat peepuls and each other and how dey know we loves dem.
OK OK Here's muvva. I passing me blog over to her now.....
Well my friends the journey is over for my dear brother Nigel.
The hospital called me, I think about 1.45am Wednesday morning, I'd not been in bed long after visiting him the evening before, the nurse on the phone told me Nigel had taken a turn for the worse shortly after I left him Tuesday evening.
As I said earlier, I'd only had about an hour and half in bed, and you know what it's like waking up and trying to take in something someone's talking about on the phone. I dashed to the loo and threw some clothes on, made sure the dogs had been out for a wee and locked up and drove like a mad thing down to the hospital. The roads were clear at that time of night, and I could speed round the lanes at the back of the hospital (short cut) easily as I could see if there was anything coming in the dark. The tall banks of the Cornish lanes were a blur as I sped along, occasionally slowing down to a crawl as a rabbit leapt from the grassy bank into the road, and a wild cat loped along infront of the car for a few yards. It seemed confident that it was safe and I wouldnt run it over, before turning and disappearing into the long grass and safety.
The hospital was deserted, as you'd expect in the early hours. No parking problems now, as the car park was all but deserted. So I managed to park right outside and after paying for my ticket in the machine, I hurried into the hospital.
When I got to the ward Nigel was I think asleep, although I'm not sure, one of his eyes were sort of open. There was no sign of him knowing if I was there or not, but I held his hand and told him I was there with him, and was going to stay with him.
His breathing was coming in short gasps a bit like when a fish jumps out of it's bowl, but he wasn't struggling to breath and his breath was clear. He had oxygen pipes up his nose, but I don't think they were doing anything as his mouth had dropped open and he was breathing through that.
The nurses were wonderful. They supplied me with copious amounts of hot sweet tea. I asked for some sponge sticks and kept moistening Nigel's tongue and mouth and his lips. I kept reassuring him I was there.
I had time to tell him how much I loved him, and how brave he had been through all this, hiding his fear and concerns so as not to worry me too much, and how proud I was of him. I told him I would always love him and he would always be with me in my heart and that he had been the best brother ever.
The nurses kept checking he was comfortable and tried to check his blood pressure, first one arm then the other, but it was so low it wouldn't register on their machine, so they then tried his ankles but had the same result. So they then put the old fashioned BP band around his arm and did it manually, again nothing registered. Another nurse came to check his blood sugar, and it was down to 2.3. The doctor kept coming and going every so often, and told the nurse to inject glucose directly into one of the many canula's in Nigel's hands. She started injecting 50ml every 10 minutes to try to raise the blood sugar. After a couple of attempts the doctor came back and asked me if I wanted them to stop everything and just leave Nigel in peace to carry on his journey without being pulled around by the nurses.
I told the doctor that Nigel had said he didn't want to be pulled around anymore and was fed up with all the tests and procedures and just wanted to go in peace when the time came. She said yes he had told her that the day before. So they disconnected the 2 drips and stopped injecting the glucose and made him comfy.
His breathing seemed to change and bcame more shallow quite quickly. And both eyes were open but not seeing. I continued to hold his little bird like hand and comfort him. I tried so hard to be strong for him, but the tears came in waves and I couldn't stop them.
I told him that he would soon be with the rest of our family, mum, dad, grandparents, Lorna and his best friend Colin who had passed away last year and whose death had devastated him, because they'd been friends since school days, over 60yrs ago.
One of the nurses brought me in another cup of tea and 2 slices of toast, as I'd had nothing to eat since Tuesday morning, but I couldn't eat it. My tummy was rumbling like mad but I just couldn't eat.
Then about quarter to 7am the nurse whispered she thought the end was close, his breathing was more shallow and he had closed his eyes.
I leaned close and told him not to worry about me, that I would be fine, I had George and many many friends online who were sending me support and prayers for us both, and that I wanted him to go without having to worry about me. I felt his body tense a little, very slightly.
Then the nurse went round and felt for his pulse on his neck and I knew he had almost gone. He took one final deep breath and then his body relaxed and I knew he'd gone.
One of the nurses who had been stood next to my chair put her arms around me and I sobbed like a baby. I had no control over it and was afraid I would wake the other men on the ward. The nurse was holding me so tightly I just leant against her with all my weight and let the grief pour out.
They took me to a side room after a couple of minutes. The little nurse that had held me at the end sat with me, and we talked and I cried. The tears just kept flowing, I don't know how I had so many tears to come out. But although I was so upset, I was glad he had had such a peaceful end And I was glad he knew I was with him on that final journey and that I'd had a chance to tell him those last things that were important to us both.
After a few minutes I went back to see Nigel. They had tidied his bed, but his mouth was still dropped open and one eye was open very slightly. I remember saying to the nurse, I expect they would put something around his head to hold his jaw up once he was taken to the mortuary, and she said yes they would.
I stroked his face and shoulder but couldn't kiss him goodbye. I couldn't kiss mum when I saw her after she'd died, I don't know why but I just couldn't, it scared me.
I left him there and walked back down to the car with his few belongings, and the car park was almost empty and the birds were beginning to sing the dawn chorus.
I drove home with tears flowing freely down my cheeks, in a sort of trance. As if I wasn't really there. But I got home safely and my fur babies were all so pleased to see me, leaping around and barking like mad.
Now I have the funeral arrangements to sort out, he had no funeral insurance and had told me he wanted a paupers funeral, as he didn't want any of his money going to the government. Bless him. So I'll be organising a very basic simple funeral this week. There won't be many people there, myself, his best friend George, perhaps one or two of his friends.
I miss him so much, but know he's at peace now and with everyone and everyfur over the bridge and I know he will be looking down on me and taking care of me for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be.
I was so glad I had that special few weeks when Nigel was poorly which at the time seemed such a struggle for us both, and not a time I'd want to relive, but it allowed us to speak of things we wouldn't have in any other circumstances. And I was so pleased to be able to sit with him as he passed from this life to the next and to know that he was comforted and not frightened because I was with him right up to the last breath in this world.
Those last few minutes were as precious as any diamonds or gold, moreso. No earthly treasure could ever give such a fulfilling sense of love and oneness with the person who was leaving me. He was all I had in this world, there are no other relatives and it is very sad to think about that, but I thank God I have so many wonderful, loving, caring, thoughtful and compassionate friends, all online. And people i have never met, but who have shown me such love and genuine friendship, not only now, but with the trials and tribulations of dear Bonnie's ongoing illness.
For this I can never ever thank you enough. Each and every one of you are more presious to me than anything in this world. Without your support I would never have come through all this. It just seemed one thing after another was happening, and my life was nothing but grief. But you were all there with me, sharing it and showing me how much you all genuinely care.
I love each and every one of you very much dear friends, for the love you have shown me and the love you have for Bonnie and the other furbabies.
Thank you so so much. You are all very special human beings and furpals.
With all my most sincere love, always
Hazel aka Muvva
So dere's me muvva haffin her pennywurf of werds on me blog. I love her vewy much, she's da only muvva me got, but I so glad she's mine.
Bless yoo all my dear fwends. We luffs yoo all so much
Bonnie
xoxoxoxo
